how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
