I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
