he shaved USA in his pubs
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
