I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
