Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
