I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
