You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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