Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
