Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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