So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
