Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We are all done wearing pants today
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
