What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
