This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize