Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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