I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
