history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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