It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
