i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Sober January is a disaster.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
