I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
