Me too!
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
