$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
