he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize