so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
