You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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