I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
