Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
