I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
