Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
