she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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