I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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