sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Hippo gnu deer
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I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
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Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
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