I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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