so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
