Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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