There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
