No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
