also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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