you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
