uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
only you would photoshop your dick
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
