I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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