When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
