Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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