I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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