Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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