i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
