I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize