You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
