I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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