I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
