I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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