i think my tv is drunk
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
