haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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