I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
No subtext here. People are naked.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
