need another drink. this is the easiest way
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
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can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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