I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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