Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
