Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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