our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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