omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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