im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
