My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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