wat bout pragnant strippers??
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
