Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
