My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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