i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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