Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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