i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
