I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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