So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
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You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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