I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
