i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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