So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We are two peas in an std pod
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
