I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
