Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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