had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
