sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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