I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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