The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
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i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
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I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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